There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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