someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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