there was a trapeze. enough said
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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