I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
