I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
