new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
