is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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