She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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