she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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