Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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