Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
