I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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