He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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