There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
