i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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