I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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