My vagina just recognized that song.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
