I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
