I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
