i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
