Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
