Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This couple is walking their pig around campus
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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