It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
