based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
