I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
