ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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