You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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