Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
