Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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