But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
