we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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