But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
