I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
