I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
