Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
