Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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