i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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