i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize