Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
