dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
NoShamevember. You game?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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