I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
