I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
