Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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