i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
