i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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