At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
