chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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