do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
