Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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