This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it's great music for shaving your balls
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
