i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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