I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
