I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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