I'm drive I can fine osifer
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I looked at my own cervix.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
