I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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