if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we made out on top of his cat.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My vagina is officially offended.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
