But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
