You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
