I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
