Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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