how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
