so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
