It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
