the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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