I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize