It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize