Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
