Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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