I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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