so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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