So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
