Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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