carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
