i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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