just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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