Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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