I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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