i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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